It may not seem like it, but young childhood is a great time to start teaching age-appropriate sexual health skills! For very young kids, you can start by using correct terminology when referring to body parts. For example, you can narrate a child’s diaper change by saying “now I’m going to wipe your vagina/penis” instead of using euphemisms. It’s also important to start teaching safety skills from a young age. Examples of safety skills may include an understanding of privacy (e.g. “you only change your clothes in your room when the door is closed” or “only mommy and your doctor can see you without clothes on.”) As your child gets older the skills may get more complex or nuanced.

Did you know male babies get erections,and that young children explore their genitals? It’s hard to know how to respond to your child’s behaviors without a frame of reference for typical sexual development. There are many books and websites that address the trajectory of sexual development through puberty and adulthood, as well as information about what behaviors may be red flags at different ages. Basic information about biology, puberty, and psychological stages of sexual development is worth learning about and also revisiting as your child moves through different stages of development.

Sexual development is a part of nature, however, it’s our job as parents to guide our children in discriminating what is appropriate in different situations. For example, it’s appropriate for a teenager to discuss crushes with their friends, but it may not be appropriate to discuss with their teachers or other adults. Additionally, behaviors that are appropriate in the privacy of a child’s bedroom or bathroom may not be appropriate in the living room or kitchen. These nuances may be difficult for young children or teenagers to grasp, and it may take a lot of trial and error to learn these skills. These conversations may need to happen frequently, and additional teaching tools may need to be used, in order for children to master these skills.

It’s important to understand that sexuality is not just about sex! Sexual development also encompasses the development of healthy relationships, both platonic and romantic, as well as self-esteem, body image, and boundaries. Teaching your child how to advocate for themselves, uphold boundaries with adults and other peers, develop social skills, and identify their own strengths and interests are all important components to help your child develop a positive self-image and support their healthy sexual development.

Talking and thinking about sexuality can feel uncomfortable, especially when it comes to our children! It’s important to think about what parts of sexuality feel uncomfortable for you. Is it using correct terminology? Is it the idea that your child may become sexually active one day? Once you identify where you are having difficulty, start taking small steps to help feel more comfortable. If you have trouble saying the word “penis,” try saying it in the mirror or saying it out loud in the privacy of your bedroom. If the idea of your child having sex is difficult to think about, try to identify what your goals are for them as an adult-do you want them to be in a healthy, long term relationship? Once you understand where your difficulties are it becomes a lot easier to start addressing them with baby steps.

Parenthood can feel overwhelming in general, and the idea of addressing sexuality can be hard for a multitude of reasons. There are so many great books and websites available that can support both you and your child in your journey. Additionally, Graham Behavior Services offers relationship and sexuality consultation services to address any questions or concerns you may have along the way. Topics may include addressing behaviors related to sexuality, teaching appropriate social or relationship skills, providing resources for children entering puberty, and so much more! Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us to discuss the support our services can provide you.